In its Simplest Form, Coaching is a Conversation

Coaching, at its heart, is a conversation—simple in theory, but nuanced in practice. Before we speak, we weigh factors such as trust, care, post-conversation outcomes, and our desired outcome. Even spontaneous sharing can start a conversation, although it may be one-sided.

At its core, conversation seeks connection. Connection provides the foundation for conversation, and together, they foster meaningful relationships. Love and commitment grow from this strong foundation.

How can you add coach-like conversations to everyday life? Get curious about what the other person says and commit to listening. While coaching a peer, I focused more on what to say than on her words. We discussed this and continued practicing. When I fully engaged with her topic out of genuine interest, the conversation shifted. The mood lightened, and she opened up about her topic.

Coach-like conversations require mindful engagement and comfort with silence. Letting silence do its work means embracing moments when neither person speaks. It is tempting to fill the silence with solutions or filler words. During that coaching practice with my peer, I filled the silence with complex, leading questions. However, when we course-corrected, I listened quietly and let silence work, and responding and continuing the conversation became easier.

Conversation is a daily activity and a valuable skill to hone. Below are tips to help you in coach-like conversations. It may not feel natural at first, but stay curious and engaged with what the other person says.

1. Lead with curiosity instead of assumptions. First, decide to be present for the person, then listen and ask open-ended questions. For example: What matters most to them? How do they feel, and how do they want to feel? Ask clarifying questions to stay curious.

   
   

2. Listen to understand, not to fix. Practice listening to understand; this, in itself, helps. Reflect on what the person shares and restate it. Avoid interrupting or making assumptions.

   
   

Honestly, listening without stepping into fix-it mode has been the most challenging aspect of coaching for me. In both past and current sessions, I purpose to actively be aware of my fix-it tendencies and shift my behavior as needed to focus solely on supporting my clients.

3. Consider opportunities or blockers. As a coach, take note of areas not discussed. Ask questions to help the person identify important opportunities or obstacles. For example: What have you not considered? What is the obstacle? How do you want to transition?

As the conversation develops, point out the person’s strengths or what is possible by acknowledging their accomplishments toward their goals.

4. Encourage the person to act. Ask what they want to be accountable for and how they’ll celebrate when done.

Coach-like conversations shift perspectives, reveal impasses, and uncover core issues, enabling transformation at work and home. For organizational leaders at an impasse, consider how coach-like conversations can break barriers, foster connection, and help teams achieve their mission.